Stella Awards

Funny email I got...

It's time again for the annual Stella Awards! For those unfamiliar with these awards, they are named after 81-year-old Stella Liebeck, who spilled hot coffee on herself and successfully sued the McDonald's in New Mexico where she purchased the coffee. You remember, she took the lid off the coffee and put it between her knees while she was driving. Who would ever think one could get burned doing that, right?

So, these are awards for the most outlandish lawsuits and verdicts in the U.S. You know, the kinds of cases=2 0that make you scratch your head. So keep your head scratcher handy.

Here are the Stella's for the past year:

7TH PLACE:

Kathleen Robertson of Austin , Texas was awarded $80,000 by a jury of her peers after breaking her ankle tripping over a toddler who was running inside a furniture store. The store owners were understandably surprised by the verdict, considering the running toddler was her own son.

6TH PLACE:

Carl Truman, 19, of Los Angeles , California won $74,000 plus medical expenses when his neighbor ran over his hand with a Honda Accord. Truman apparently didn't notice there was someone at the wheel of the car when he was trying to steal his neighbor's hubcaps.

Go ahead, grab your head scratcher.

5TH PLACE:

Terrence Dickson, of Bristol , Pennsylvania was leaving a house he had just burglarized by way of the garage. Unfortunately for Dickson, the automatic garage door opener malfunctioned and he could not get the garage door to open. Worse, he couldn't re-enter the house because the door connecting the garage to the house locke d when Dickson pulled it shut. Forced to sit for eight, count 'em, EIGHT, days on a case of Pepsi and a large bag of dry dog food, he su ed the homeowner's insurance company claiming undue mental anguish. Amazingly, the jury said the insurance company must pay Dickson $500,000 for his anguish.

We should all have this kind of anguish. Keep scratching. There are more.

4TH PLACE:

Jerry Williams, of Little Rock , Arkansas , garnered 4th place in the Stella's when he was awarded $14,500 plus medical expenses after being bitten on the butt by his next door neighbor's beagle - even though the beagle was on a chain in its owner's fenced20yard. Williams did not get as much as he asked for because the jury believed the beagle might have been provoked at the time of the butt bite because Williams had climbed over the fence into the yard and repeatedly shot the dog with a pellet gun.

Grrrrr Scratch, scratch.

3RD PLACE:
A jury ordered a Philadelphia restauran t to pay Amber Carson of Lancaster , Pennsylvania $113,500 after she slipped on a spilled soft drink and broke her tailbone. The reason the soft drink was on the floor: Ms. Carson had thrown it at her boyfriend 30 seconds earlier during an argument. Whatever happened to people being responsible for their own actions?

Scratch, scratch, scratch. Hang in there. There are only two more Stella's to go.

2ND PLACE:

Kara Walton of Claymont , Delaware sued the owner of a nightclub in a nearby city because she fell from the bathroom window to the floor, knocking out her two front teeth. Even though Ms.Walton was trying to sneak through the ladies' room window to avoid paying the $3.50 cover charge, the jury said the nightclub had to pay her $12,000, oh, yeah, plus dental expenses.

Go figure. < /SPAN>

1ST PLACE * : (May we have a fanfare played on 50 kazoos, please.)

This year's runaway First Place Stella Award winner was Mrs. Merv Grazinski of Oklahoma City , Oklahoma who purchased a new 32-foot Winnebago motor home. On her first trip home, from an OU football game, having driven on to the freeway, she set the cruise control at 70 mph and calmly left the driver's seat to go to the back of the Winnebago to make herself a sandwich. Not surprisingly, th e motor home left the freeway, crashed and overturned. Also not surprisingly, Mrs. Grazinski sued Winnebago for not putting in the owner's manual that she couldn't actually leave the driver's seat while the cruise control was set. The Oklahoma jury awarded her, are you sitting down, *$1,750,000 PLUS* a new motor home. Winnebago actually changed their manuals as a resu lt of this suit, just in case Mrs. Grazinski has any relatives who might also buy a motor home.

Are we, as a society, getting more stupid? Or is it just the juries that the lawyers select?

PLEASE, IF YOU HAVE A BRAIN IN YOUR HEAD OR HAVE GOOD COMMON SENSE, START SHOWING UP FOR JURY DUTY! PLEASE!

Wow. I am honestly speechless. At least now I understand why my hairdryer has a note on it that says "do not use in water".

That means I could of sued Auto Zone on Saturday for not cleaning up the oil in their parking lot. Next time I'll make it a point to slip and fall!! lol

You know, I'm having a problem with my Kerosene heater, and so I go to the manual and check out the "Trouble Shooting" section, and I read things like " wont stay lit" and "Wont adjust" and the corresponding course of action that you should take in the event of that particular problem that your heater is having.
So I get to the bottom of the page, and I am totally serious here, because I couldn't believe it myself, it said
Problem
Heater is fully engulfed in flames
Solution
Call the Fire Department

No lie.

Lets see, the heater is fully engulfed in flames and my house is burning down around me, and I will most likely die, Hmmmmmmm, maybe I should check the Heaters Owners Manual, and see just what the Trouble Shooting sections says I should do now.

I you need this advice spelled out for you, maybe your to damn STUPID to own a cigarette lighter much les a Kerosene Heater

Hmmm, that is funny. Who would have the time to check the owners manual if your house is on fire?