How Fights Start

One year, a husband decided to buy his mother-in-law a cemetery plot as a Christmas gift.

The next year, he didn't buy her a gift.
When she asked him why, he replied, "Well, you still
haven't used the gift I bought you last year!"
And that's how the fight started.....

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I asked my wife, 'Where do you want to go for our
Anniversary?'
It warmed my heart to see her face melt in sweet
appreciation.
'Somewhere I haven't been in a long time!' she said.
So I suggested, 'How about the kitchen?'
And that's when the fight started....


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I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller
Light for $14.95.
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $7.95. I
told her the beer would make her look better at night than the cold
cream.
And that's when the fight started......

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I took my wife to a restaurant. The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first...
'I'll have the strip steak, medium rare, please.'
He said, 'Aren't you worried about the mad cow?'
'Nah, she can order for herself.'
And that's when the fight started.....

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My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was
flipping the channels.
She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust.'
And then the fight started...

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My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our
upcoming anniversary.
She said, 'I want something shiny that goes from 0 to
200 in about 3 seconds.'
I bought her a scale.
And then the fight started...

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My wife and I were sitting at a table at her high school
reunion and she kept staring at a drunken man swigging his
drink as he sat alone at a nearby table.
I asked her, 'Do you know him?'
'Yes,' she sighed, ' He's my old boyfriend... I
understand he took to drinking right after we split up those many
years ago, and I hear he hasn't been sober since.'
'My God!' I said, 'who would think a person could go
on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started...

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I rear-ended a car this morning. So, there we
were alongside the road and slowly the other driver got out of
his car. You know how sometimes you just get soooo stressed and
little things just seem funny?
Yeah, well I couldn't believe it... he was a DWARF!!!

He stormed over to my car, looked up at me, and
shouted, 'I AM NOT HAPPY!'
So, I looked down at him and said, 'Well, then which
one are you?'
And then the fight started...
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SAVED THE BEST FOR LAST:
THE BROKEN LAWN MOWER

When our lawn mower broke and wouldn't run, my wife
kept hinting to me that I should get it fixed.
But, somehow I always had something else to take care of
first, the truck, the car, playing golf '
Always something more important to me.
Finally she thought of a clever way to make her point.
When I arrived home one day, I found her seated in the tall grass,
busily snipping away with a tiny pair of sewing scissors.

I watched silently for a short time and then went into
the house. I was gone only a minute, and when I came out again I
handed her a toothbrush.
I said, 'When you finish cutting the grass, you might as well sweep
the driveway.'

LOL that was great!!

LMAO : )